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 Second-guessing | We Wed


Second-guessing. This is something I’m very familiar with. I have a hard time committing to a decision without mulling it over properly, and by properly I mean for a looong time. I also have trouble with a degree of “greener grass” mentality. Not in a way that makes me envious of something else, but in a way that always has me thinking, “but there could be something better if I just keep looking!” Let’s call this the “just around the riverbend” mentality, in honor of Pocahontas. Because honestly, there really could be anything, even something better, around that next riverbend.

art by disney, the rest by yours truly

I have had the Riverbends for the majority of my wedding planning decisions. Yes, I even get that crazed look. There’s always one more I can look at, just to be absolutely positively certain that this one is the best one. This applies to cake designs, dresses, colors, centerpiece choices, flowers, and most importantly, vendors. You would think that my obsessive “just one more” habit would make sure that I always end up satisfied, right? I would think so, too, as that would be, oh, I don’t know, logical. Well, this isn’t always so.

Granted, I usually do end up completely satisfied with my decision, but I often go through that awful heart-wrenching, throat-tightening, and mind-numbing phase of doubt. Did I choose the right dress? Are these the colors I really want? Will this look dumb? Is he the best DJ? Does this venue fit with the style I’m going for?

I know many of you must have asked yourself the same questions at some point. It’s awful, right? I’ve second-guessed just about every major decision I’ve made at one point or another. And for a few days, or even a few weeks, I’d be writhing in my skin because I couldn’t figure out if I had made the best choice or not. It really does seem petty now, especially when you think about it rationally. Are blue table linens instead of purple table linens going to be the end of the world? No. And it certainly isn’t going to be the end of the wedding, either. But for some reason, during those moments, the pressure weighs heavy. I guess when we’re planning so many aspects and have so many tasks, it’s easy to get caught up in the details.

So what does Miss Bunting do when she starts wondering if it’s too late to change her mind? Well, if it’s possible, she does change her mind. Not hours after we had placed our order for the groomsmen pants, we had to turn the car right back around and change the color. And by ‘we’, I mean mainly me. It may be silly, but I felt much better with my second decision because in my gut, I knew the original pick didn’t suit (why hello pun) the look we wanted.

This is not always an option, though, especially when it comes to decisions that involve losing large amounts of money. Like, dresses, or venues, for instance. I admit that I went through the second-guessing phase for both of these. When we first made the commitment, I was pleased and excited. Then, at some undetermined amount of time later (perhaps weeks.. perhaps months), I felt those pangs of doubt and panic. There was no way I was buying another dress, and we had already put down deposits on the venues, so I fought with my inner anxiety and tried to convince myself everything was perfect. In times like this, sometimes the best solution is to try to forget about it for several days and give your mind a breather, then re-visit the venue or put the dress back on with your best buddie in tow. With their positive support and a fresh outlook you could very well remember why you loved it in the first place. Fortunately for me, this works wonders. Sometimes being away from something leaves too much to the imagination, and you can start to question what was so great about it to begin with. But when you can see it again in person, touch it, feel it, discuss what will hang where and so forth… well, that could be the best reassurance that yes, you did make the right choice.

Who else has experienced times of doubt or regret during the planning process? How did you overcome it?

29. April 2011 von lullafly
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